You know what?
I was so ready for M. Night Shyamalan to be good again.
I loved his first three films and I have a guilty pleasure for one of his shit ones (it’s totally The Happening), but apart from that, everyone who is anyone knows that after Signs he basically got worse as a film maker.
But then The Visit came out in 2015 and not everyone hated it: good start.
And then I heard from critics that his new film Split was actually quite good, his best in years some stated, which I was both apprehensive but also giddy about as I was hit by a wave of pre-shit Shyamalan nostalgia.
You’ll be pleased to know that I liked Split very much.. that is, until the ending happened and the credits started to roll and so did I, in my metaphorical grave, whilst seething and frothing at the mouth because it horrified me.
I would like everyone to know that from this point on you’re going to be spoiled.
I’m not spoiler warning you, thus allowing yourself to close this review and be safe knowing that the plot for you is still a secret.
No. I’m telling you that you have to spoil it for yourself so you can save the emotional abuse that is the ending. Please read on.
So James McAvoy gives up on killing our main character because he find out she has self harmed due to her uncle sexually abusing her (another problematic issue for another time) and she is saved by the police, as news reporters swarm the scene.
Cut to a diner where the news report of James McAvoy’s murders is playing and sat at the bar, one woman says out loud in a really cheesy cheap manner to no doubt a bunch of strangers:
“Oh that reminds me of that guy in the wheelchair, what was his name again?”
THEN OUT OF FUCKING NO WHERE, BRUCE FUCKING WILLIS, SAT BEHIND HER FUCKING CHIMES IN:
What on earth was literally anyone thinking.
For those of you who don’t know, M. Night Shyamalan made a film called Unbreakable which is basically an incredible film and I urge everyone to see it.
In Unbreakable Bruce Willis plays a guy who learns he can’t get hurt and becomes a hero, while Samuel L Jackson plays Mr Glass, a man with osteogenesis imperfecta which means his bones are brittle and can get hurt easily.
It was a serious alternative take on the super hero genre and like I said before it’s amazing.
So for such an amazing standalone film, to be brought kicking and screaming into 2016, one of the worse years in recent history, just to serve as some cinematic universe enabling cameo at best is down right appalling. It’s so cheaply done as well.
Please diner lady, please tell me how a man who possesses 24 split personalities and murdered 3 women is anything like Samuel L Jackson in a wheelchair, because I’m dying to know.
Plus why drag Bruce Willis into this?
His acting prime has long since past. I would go as far as saying that he could have won an Oscar in Sixth Sense or Unbreakable, but now? Leave him be Hollywood, his work is done.
This also implies that maybe in the future we’ll see a film where Bruce Willis fights a bulletproof 24 personality super villain and it makes me want to shoot myself.
For a film so grounded in realism to be ruined by a sequel with such silly supernatural themes, just pains me.
I’m just so done.
Split’s Ending: 0/10